A Regular Day In Heaven

Breakfast on time, reputations in question, and one very busy cat keeping heaven in order.

My dearest friends on the internet,

Today was, by all accounts, a rather ordinary day here in the heavenly neighborhood. I awoke early, as is my custom, to conduct my morning patrol of the house. One cannot be too careful…even in paradise, I must ensure that no unauthorized squirrels or rogue angels are creeping about unannounced.

Fortunately, I have discovered that sharing quarters with Bob #1 (the original Bob, my grandfather in all things human) is a distinct advantage. Unlike the woman, who often required a good deal of huffing, puffing, and the occasional stern paw to rise from bed, Bob #1 is a fellow early bird. He already has breakfast plated before I saunter into the kitchen. No speeches. No delays. No nonsense. It’s almost like he was trained for this very purpose.

After breakfast, my peace was disrupted. It seems young Sammy…yes, the freshly-arrived brown tabby, barely six months into his eternal lease…has developed quite the reputation. Reports reached my desk that he was seen canoodling with not one, not two, but three of his former earthly lady friends: Miss Elizabeth Taylor, Fergie, and Mrs. Lily White.

Naturally, I was compelled to intervene. A stern look was deployed, followed by a serious conversation. I reminded Sammy that while heaven is generous with grace, it is decidedly short on patience for vile behavior. Carrying on with a harem in full public view is the kind of thing that causes Management to start shuffling paperwork and muttering about “reconsidering admissions.” I told him to mind his reputation before he finds himself reassigned to a lower-ranking cloud, far from polite society.

Sammy, of course, just blinked at me with that smug tabby face of his. We’ll see how long that lasts.

In summary: breakfast was on time, the house remains secure, and Sammy is (for now) on probation. A normal day, by my standards.

Carry on with your day, dear friends. And remember: snacks before naps. That’s just common sense.

Very truly yours,
Bob

PS: If you ever find yourself tempted to canoodle with three girlfriends before breakfast, ask yourself: What would Bob say? (Hint: it wouldn’t be “good job.”)